The glue...

The glue…

It’s rare when I write an editorial but here it goes…

Are all small towns the same? Most are wearing more than one hat. Everybody knows everybody. Not too many secrets can stay hidden in most of these communities. Most people know where you go to church, where you buy your weed and where you eat, drink and sleep. Most people know that you keep a girlfriend or two on the other side of town and your wife has been seen at the plumber’s house on Thursday nights. Small towns are a lot alike when all is said and done.

How does a small community actually function? It’s all because of a small group of people called the 20%. They are the glue. The ones at every function, event or special gatherings. You almost always see them at many different groups during the week: Rotary, Lions Club, First, Second or Third Baptist… Little league and sometimes 5th quarter after football games.

You normally find moms, dads, uncles and aunts who saw a need and plugged in to help. Sometimes out of frustration, sometimes out of a need for more warm bodies and sometimes because they have kids in whatever the group it is. My wife and I serve on a rec league board and try our best to help the management processes. We volunteered in hopes to make the situation better. Some people can watch small organizations fail time after time never once thinking of how “they” might be able to make it better. Some people don’t have children and do not understand the pressures some of these groups are under financially. Some people can sit back, gripe and moan when others are volunteering left and right to make sure the small gears in their small communities are available one more year. When you have children, a business or a heart for your community… some people get involved. Some step out of their comfort zones to become part of something bigger. Not much bigger BUT bigger none the less… the 20%! I’ve seen fist fights, hair pulling and threats of violence coming from the dignified group of parents sitting in the bleachers. I’ve watched Billy Bad Asses rip, roar and yell… until the cops show up and they are escorted away.

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve seen many different paths to choose along the way. I have always had an appreciation for men who stand up to haters and the bullies. There are two types of bullies that are in the background of these small communities: The loud ones with microphones and a few parishioners and the quite bullies that work behind the scenes to manipulate and control movement, progress and chess pieces on the board. Loud bullies become bullies because they lack love or attention, delusional freedom fighters, or those who wage a holy war in their heart. Insecurity is at the core and the public becomes the whipping post.  The best a community can do with loud bullies is not to attend their meetings. Once you know someone is a bully… do not attend their service.

Small communities are filled with people who are trying to make it through the gauntlet of school activities, after school programs and church nights all to get to the end of the week with that one bottle of wine.

Does it sound like I’m venting? Of course. I am sick of good people being bashed. I see some in the 20%, who have served communities for years, coming under the attack of bitter bullies. If you don’t like people, I like… just move on. We don’t have to fight. We don’t even have to disagree. We can both move on. And vice versa! Lately, I have watched some good people take a lot of heat from bullies with microphones and I think it’s sad. The venom, vitriol and hate does not have anyone’s humanity in mind. Sometimes a bully has insecurity and bitterness as their motivation. The difference between the 20% and bullies is in the wake they leave behind. One comes from a place of volunteerism and help, the other from a place of insecurity, control and bitterness.

FYI – if you look through conspiracy glasses… everything is a conspiracy. If you look through the lens of control… everything will look like it needs your control. If you live your life with your insecurities hidden and not find forgiveness and peace… that’s on YOU. I recently heard someone say that husbands do not need their families to understand the weight they carry for the entire family, all they need is for the ones they carry the weight for to be aware and appreciative. I would say the same for the 20% out here. Remember that 80% of the work in these communities is being done by the 20%.

I am appalled that there are those in our communities that would attempt to crucify anyone out of the 20%. Then again, as an old friend of mine said one time… paraphrased… “I always wondered how the people could kill Jesus… the Son of God… He was healing and feeding people… and they crucified him… But then I thought about it… and Hell, you could bring Jesus to Jasper on Sunday, and they’d have him strung up on a cross by Thursday!” So like they say in the oilfield, some days you’re the hammer and some days you’re the nail… In Southeast Texas, some days you might be the Son of God and some days you might be Pontius Pilot.

The next time you are at an event, game or social gathering… take a moment to settle into the idea that this event did not just happen. The same volunteers volunteered again, and they pulled it off again. Is everything perfect? No. Could things be better? Yes! Could you have helped in some small way rather than stating your opinion about the lack? Yes. When you see a bully doing what they do, and they start pointing fingers at the ones volunteering and at least showing up to help… Call them out!

These communities weren’t built on the bitterness of bullies. Community is built through the like minded coming together to create a better experience for the whole.

If you are not going to volunteer, at least try to encourage those who do, even if that means shutting your mouth.